For the last time, and the love of all that is good and holy, yes, I did graduate last year. That was me flopping up on stage, shaking hands with Chancellor Boschini. No, I didn’t intoxicate my way into thinking I’m still a senior and, no, I don’t have severe separation issues. I’m back for my master’s degree, and Career Services tells me a lot of people do it.

Being that this is my victory lap, I have come to appreciate several things about the first day of the school year. This is, after all, my fifth. To fully experience all of these things, you must be up at the crack of dawn with the rest of us overachievers who leave all our prerequisite classes unfinished until the last possible second.

Getting to campus at about 7:45 a.m., I am the first to observe the fashion show leaving the Grand Marc.

I’m really not sure what time you have to get up to look like a model at 8 a.m., nor am I sure how you could muster that level of determination at that asinine hour of the day. However, the fact that you can navigate the construction on campus and walk the full three-quarters of a mile to class in what appears to be four-inch-heels should seriously be commended. That’s impressive.

After gathering my books, I come to encounter a rare breed indeed – the lone freshman. Normally, this species runs around in packs due to the safety in numbers philosophy, which really translates into – if one of us is late, we’re all late, and they can’t do anything about it. I’m an adult now. But on this still morning, just as the sun is cresting over Dan Rogers Hall and pouring down the sidewalks of east campus, one bug-eyed freshman scampers toward the library, laptop in hand, hoping that his 8 a.m. class was only a figment of his imagination. Little does he know, he’ll still have a three-hour trek around Sid Richardson Building before he’ll find Lecture Hall 1. Be strong, little buddy.

Ah, and who is this fine gentleman stumbling down the sidewalk toward the dorms? No doubt, one of our finest scholars coming home from a late-night study session down on Lubbock Avenue wearing only one flip-flop after his buddies threw the other one on the roof trying to get the beer bong down after he threw it up there. What a goof. Word of advice, gentlemen – take it easy. That’s pretty much all senior year amounts to; don’t give it all before football season even starts.

Yes sir, welcome back to everyone. I hope you all enjoy your time here, because until TCU designs a law degree, I’ll have to graduate for real someday soon.

Andrew Wilson is an accounting graduate student from St. Louis.