Ah, Valentine’s Day. The sun is shining, the birds are chirping, and sweethearts walk hand-in-hand down the sidewalk whispering sweet nothings into each other’s ears. Flowers, candies, dates and greeting cards. Love is in the air.However, for the single people (myself included), Valentine’s Day arouses a much different, less euphoric set of emotions.
Loneliness. Despair. Jealousy. Sound familiar? Maybe these feelings rise as the couple at the table across share a romantic kiss. I know, I despise them as well.
Why are some people so lucky in love while others are forced to resort to eHarmony.com? Why do certain people get to marry an Ivy League-educated cheerleader with a law degree while others settle down with a four-fingered, eye-patched, peg-legged butcher from Queens for fear of dying alone? That is a question that has stumped mankind since antiquity.
The confusing bonds of love know no bounds. For example, we all knew the same type of kid in high school; let’s call him Danny. Danny was a self-righteous jerk who didn’t have any real friends and had a penchant for acting like he owned the world. Most of his former girlfriends had a personal vendetta against him and wanted to do something like put sugar in his gas tank or spread vicious rumors of genital inadequacy. Danny just rubbed everyone the wrong way.
But, despite all of this, Danny was with a new girl every couple of months. Not just any girls, but some of the top catches in the school. And, as if by some form of hypno-magic, they were all moon-eyed goofy in love with him.
Love, my friends, is rarely fair or just. Sometimes it defies explanation.
Those who are alone on Valentine’s Day feel a lot like Michael Collins, the often forgotten crew member of Apollo 11. There we sit, forced to orbit the moon in the command module while our friends get the opportunity to walk on its surface. Then they come back with whimsical stories of moon rocks and zero gravity shenanigans, making us feel all the worse for missing the experience. Thanks a lot, Neil Armstrong.
While it’s not fun to be alone on Valentine’s Day, some therapy can go a long way. For girls, the standard recuperation consists of eating a pint of ice cream and swooning over Ryan Gosling in “The Notebook.” Friends can be added, if desired.
Trying to uphold the “solid rock of stoicism” ideal that society projects on males, most guys won’t publicly admit their loneliness. To fend off their despair, the single males of the herd will shuffle off to Taco Bell or some other fast food locale and have a farting contest at the conclusion of the meal. The winner gets to ride shotgun on the way back. Sure, it’s not glamorous, but it’s how guys deal with their problems.
The elusive grasp of love may have left you out of the loop this year but take heart. Love isn’t something you can find just around the corner. It just sort of happens. One day, you’re sitting beside each other in class and the next you have five kids. While Michael Collins never did get to walk on the moon, we’re all young, and we’ve got plenty of time left.
David Hall is a freshman news-editorial journalism major from Kingwood. His column appears on Wednesdays.
