Obnoxious forwards, surveys dilute MySpace content

My space is being invaded!Calling a Web site MySpace seems like an indication that users have control over what appears. This is far from the truth.

I may sound like a grumpy Gus, but if I get one more friend request on MySpace from some cyber woman named Candy, I will personally track down Tom, drag him into the street and give him the beating he deserves.

I’m sure any MySpace user knows what I’m talking about: the endless amount of spam that clogs up your once-stylish profile, making it an eyesore.

Music is my main passion in life, and if MySpace didn’t happen to be one of the best places to find out about independent bands, I would have deleted my account years ago.

Every time I sign on, I see new friend requests.

There is a slight glimmer of hope that the person who desires to be my virtual friend is indeed someone I met at some late hazy hour, but upon further examination, I realize it’s some Internet scam trying to get me to lay down $19.99 a month to watch a private Web cam nudie party.

I’m not buying.

Also, it seems every horrible band in existence wants to be my MySpace friend. I frequently receive friend requests from bands whose sound would only improve if they dropped the instruments and recorded the sounds of a dying opossum.

Not only do I receive a constant stream of cyber scams, but it seems even my friends are out to drive me crazy.

Those who believe the whole world wants to know what color shirt they’re wearing or how many people they’ve kissed.

I’ll call them the surveyors.

These people post four or five bulletins a day answering mind-numbing questions about their personal lives.

If I wrote a survey, I’d ask only one question: WHO CARES?

I’ll admit, in middle school I enjoyed filling out these surveys, but as a 22-year-old college senior, I believe these surveys are juvenile and not worthy of my precious time.

To illustrate, I’ll list a few questions my surveyor friends actually deemed worthy of asking with my responses:

Are your underwear and socks folded in your drawers or just thrown in?

No, they’re thrown in a heap on the floor.

Can you see a phone right now?

No.

Bored enough?

Most definitely.

And what’s the deal with people sending me these advertisements about free Louis Vuitton bags or Macy’s gift certificates? Do I seem like the sort of person who needs a designer purse?

Could I be the type of person who likes to shop? The answer to both of these questions: a resounding no.

I don’t even want to know what looks I would get walking to class in my T-shirt, ratty jeans, sandals, baseball cap, scraggly beard and fabulous new Prada bag.

Perhaps I should just take a chill pill and refuse to let these things bother me.

I just want a way to find out about new music and my friends current happenings without digging through piles of worthless junk.

To Internet solicitors and surveyor friends alike: My space on MySpace is valuable. Please leave me out.

Mike Best is a senior news-editorial journalism major from Longview.