Super Bowl advertising has always been relegated to the commercials, until now.

Kentucky Fried Chicken has offered to donate $260,000 to charity in the name of the first New England Patriots or New York Giants player to score a touchdown in Sunday’s Super Bowl, provided that he flaps his arms like a chicken afterward – you know, like the move from the chicken dance.

The reason: to support the fast food chain’s new line of sauceless hot wings.

We’ve all seen the commercial for this novel new product. It features some posh neo-yuppies throwing a party in a Manhattan loft, dressed like they’re hosting a symposium on contemporary jazz fusion and the poetic works of Sylvia Plath.

However, instead of eating rare Ecuadorian squid that tastes like compost for the snob factor of it all, like good Sylvia Plath fans would, they’re chowing down on a bucket of finger lickin’ chicken from the Colonel.

KFC wants the nation to know about these wings in a big way.

The money would be given to Colonel’s Scholars, a KFC-affiliated charity that gives college scholarships to students attending public in-state universities.

The NFL, however, is not so keen on the whole operation. League spokesman Brian McCarthy said KFC’s plan was “a textbook case of ambush marketing 101.” He said, “There are many different companies that try to draft off the excitement of the Super Bowl that have no right to any of the activities going on.”

Any player who performs the chicken dance could face fines from the league.

Apparently, the NFL wants to keep any and all advertising revenue to itself. That way, they can deprive needy kids of college scholarships and force them to be migrant workers for the rest of their lives.

Charity is evil and could give the serfs enough money to build a printing press. What would the NFL do if the general populace discovered movable type? Then people would read instead of rotting on the couch and watching games in their $99 Peyton Manning jerseys! We can’t have that!

Sure, KFC is getting publicity for a fraction of the cost of a Super Bowl ad, and they’re giving the money to their own charity, but scholarship money is scholarship money.

I could understand the NFL’s reaction if KFC wanted to push its “Addicted to Biscuits” campaign by having New York Giants wide receiver Amani Toomer chain smoke after scoring a touchdown.

Acting like a chicken is family friendly and doesn’t support substance abuse.

Some player has to do the dance. Yeah, the NFL has a reputation for levying ridiculous fines. Washington Redskins running back Clinton Portis had to open up his wallet after wearing the wrong-colored socks in a game. While I don’t have a figure handy, I think they fined him $27 billion and repossessed his house. Or maybe it was in the neighborhood of $5,000 and a wag of the finger. I can’t remember.

Professional football players are incredibly rich. Well, at least the kind who score touchdowns or tackle hard. They can afford a fine, especially if it means giving a brighter future to young minds.

Sylvia Plath would be proud.