Having read with heavy heart of the untimely demise of some members of TCU’s pigeon population, I have come up with a list of possible explanations for this tragedy:

10.) It was a mass protest against the recent rise of tuition at TCU
9.) It was extreme performance art
8.) It was a pigeon suicide pact
7.) It was a “Red Bull” chugging contest that got out of hand
6.) It was another silly PETA stunt
5.) They were looking for WMD, but couldn’t find any
4.) It was dramatic commentary of the art in the Moudy Building
3.) They accidentally ate food that came from The Main
2.) They were despondent over the departure of Howard Dean from the Democratic primaries

And the No. 1 possible cause of the deaths of the pigeons is: It was a hazing ritual gone awry.

— John P. Araujo, class of 2001